LOVE YOURSELF OR LOSE POWER
BY ANDA STAN
CHAPTER 1 – EDUCATION AND SELF-EDUCATION
You might wonder why I have started with education and what relevance has with loving yourself.
If you love yourself, you value yourself. If you value yourself, you will nurture your mind and will start working on your diamond. Which and who is the “diamond”? That’s you my friend! You are a diamond and you need to start polishing the diamond and give value to it!
No matter what you see on TV or on social media or wherever, that education is not important anymore and you can make quick money and fortunes by degrading yourself is not true. Yes, they make money. I admit. But, for how long? How many celebrities have you seen that went from riches to rags? They played a one card only. What if those celebrities would have also invested in their further education? Do you think they would have had a different ending? I believe they would have had. What was the reason behind their fall? I will tell you: lack of control, lack of respect towards themselves and I can continue, but I think you understand what I am trying to say. Therefore, they didn’t love themselves, they loved only money. They didn’t build a positive relationship between loving themselves and loving money in the right way. Hence, the lack of control conducted, in the end, to failure.
How successful people remain successful? It’s an easy answer for me. They love themselves. They grow their education as a person, as a business, as a brand. They understand that to continue to be successful they need to constantly upgrade themselves too. They valued themselves, and prosperity and abundance valued them in return.
Let’s take Bill Gates for example. Do you see his confidence? His self-control? His education? All these and more made him what he is today. A successful story. He had an idea, he went for it. He loved himself, he loved his idea, he believed in himself, he believed in his idea, he acted and didn’t stop until he nailed it. The rest is history.
“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world” said Nelson Mandela. If you want to be a leader and a successful person in life, you need to have education and be wise. Some of you will say that they cannot afford going to school like university. And is totally understandable. Unfortunately, in everything we do we are bound to money. But, that doesn’t need to stop you from educating yourself. Take up on a course, buy books on different subjects that you consider are good for you and for your dreams and plans. After all, in university we read, learn and take exams. So, read books my dear friends. The more the better. Expand your knowledge. You are interested in Marketing? Buy the best Marketing books you can afford. And so on. Read them, understand them and keep in mind the basics at least from each book you read. Try to identify the real message that book is meant to deliver to its reader and assimilate it. Learn strategies, definitions, theories etc. Love yourself through reading, through education, for a better future ahead.
I read a lot at my life and had good academic education. But, at some point, because as you know, it’s not a painless process, I said to my mother: “What is all this good for? Look, my friend X didn’t study like I did and has money and all and having fun! I want to enjoy life too like her!”. My mother answered: “You have all your life ahead to enjoy, now it’s time to grow yourself. Your friend is enjoying life now, but she is missing on her future. If you are not calculated and you don’t have control, your happy life can go in a second down the drain. If you don’t have education, when you have problems, you won’t find the way to overcome them. She only knows money, money is her salvation now in any problematic situation she could have. But, if she doesn’t have money anymore, what will her solution be to overcome that problem without money and to make money again? She only knows how to spend them, she doesn’t know, nor she is educated how to make and save money. Or, how to invest and make profit. For making money, saving money and investing money you need to be educated and have wisdom. That’s the long-term success in one’s life. What you are doing now through learning and educating yourself, you are building your life, your future, your greatness. At some point, you will understand, and you will say that you have no regrets that you only studied and had patience for the life’s pleasures and fun. At that moment, you will start accepting the great person you are and what you can do for the world. You just have to believe in yourself and grow.”
Of course, I was not happy at that moment with the answer. We all want everything now, not later. But, she was right. Educating yourself, as Nelson Mandela said, gives you powers, weapons in the battle with life. In my opinion, life is like a mind game. If we lose our mind, life hits us and wins. If we don’t lose our mind and control it, life takes the hit and we score to the next level in our life. You are educated, you can serve back to life problems; you are not educated, you just stay there frozen and take the hits without knowing how to strike back.
Therefore, love yourself through education. It’s not an option, it’s a must for a better you and a better future.
“Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.” – Robert Frost
When you have education, you gain control over your mind, over your actions and over your reactions. You also have the power to have patience. It’s not an easy thing to have patience. Uneducated people, in almost every situation, they lose their temper and react violently. They either use violent language, or worse, apply physical violence.
We all hear about diplomacy and to act in a diplomatic manner. Politicians are diplomats. They do have in general higher education. But, for the rest of us, we can also be diplomats. The key is in our actions, our behavior and in what we choose to do. We want to solve things in a diplomatic manner or we just want to have a “monkey reaction” and lose control?
If we apply to solve the problems in a diplomatic manner, we have a high rate of success. If we apply to solve the problem in a “boxing” manner, chances are that we will fail.
If we are educated people and listen, we will better understand and analyze the situation. During the listening process, our mind has access to more information. Our interlocutor will provide us, maybe unknowingly, with solutions to the problem. By listening, we show self-control and self-confidence. By listening first, we gain control over the problem. Understand the fact that in an argument that’s the main point our opponent targets: to provoke us. When we lose our temper and respond to that calling, we only give them the upper-hand and half the battle is lost for us. Never do that. Just stay calm, listen, analyze and react in a diplomatic manner. This is the way you will fight back and disarm your opponent. Love yourself and value yourself. Only you as an educated person that can have self-control and self-confidence can do that and win the battle in that given situation.
Remember: People who have self-control, self-confidence and education (academic or self-education) are wise people. They are people who know tactics on how to win over a problem and have room for a future “Hello!” between both parties. If you love yourself, have confidence in yourself and educate yourself, you will eventually be able to turn your worst enemies into your best and loyal friends. And I am not only casually saying that, it’s true.
Let me give you a personal example regarding this.
When I was younger, I was talking to a friend about some people that were doing some wrong things and I said that they will have serious problems if they continue. I knew those people indirectly. Never personally been introduced, but we would often see each other. In the further discussion with this friend about them, at some point, I mentioned that that was kind of an immoral behavior and in the case, they will be found out, they will face negative consequences. Unfortunately, at the “immoral” part, one of those people overheard me. I didn’t know we weren’t alone, otherwise I wouldn’t have said that. In fact, I wasn’t judging them, I was only concerned about what would happen to them. They were in general good people but had a difficult background. The person who heard me saying “immoral” about them approached me and started acting like a bully. Obviously, he was offended by my word. I tried calmly to explain to this guy what I really meant with that, but it was of no use. He swore to my face that from that point on, he will make my life a living hell. And he kept his promise.
Every time he saw me, he would badmouth me loudly for me to hear, he would pick on me and so on. His attempt in all this was to lower my self-esteem and provoke me. To make me respond and have reasons to have a direct fight with me. My reaction to his actions was always the same: I never responded. I would sometimes have eye contact with him and let him know I heard what he was saying but didn’t throw him bad or provocative looks. I just acknowledged what he said. Most of the times, I acted like I didn’t hear anything coming from him, like he didn’t exist, like I didn’t hear, and talked to another friend or just walked away. This “revenge” of his lasted for about eight months. Long time, right? It was indeed.
One day, while I was passing by to see a good friend of mine, he was speaking to my “enemy”. I said a politely “Hello!”. My friend greeted me back and amazingly him too. My friend informed me of the discussion they had before I reached. It was about some legal problems and the “enemy” was interested on the legal procedures that apply to have a chance of success as he was not guilty in that case. After that, my “enemy” asked me what he could do in such a situation to defend himself. Without delays I presented him with all that he needed to know and do. I acted like nothing happened between us previously. As a reaction, he thanked me. Moreover, he apologized for the behavior he had towards me and emphasized the fact that he gained tremendous respect for me all this time.
I asked him why. He paused a little, looked at me in the eyes and said: “You are a mannered person and know self-control. You are a strong person with high confidence. You never got intimidated by me nor lost temper. I was continuously provoking you trying to make you angry and engage in a fight with me. But, you never did. Most people get scared or get angry. You are among those 1% that are amazing people. Fearless, but in a clever way. You know how to act, and you know how to gain respect. On top of that, today you could have just pretended again not to see me, laughed at me as I am in an unpleasant situation, or be aggressive towards me having now the upper-hand of “See, I told you, I was right about you back then” kind of thing. Instead, you talked to me like I was your friend and more than that, helped me with all you could. You are a person of great character. Starting today we are friends, and anything you will need that stands in my powers to give and help you, I will do it for you. I am a loyal friend and that’s a promise. I never break a promise I make.”
Hearing all this, I thanked him for his words and for his compliments and told him that back then I tried to explain to him, but he wouldn’t listen. I wasn’t laughing or judging but concerned of the consequences because I knew he and the others were good people.
He answered that he after a few months understood and realized that since the incident but then he wanted to tease me and test me for my endurance and see my reactions.
Anyhow, I must tell you my dear friend that this guy was true to his promise and he is always at a phone call distance to help me and always answers my calls if I ever make a call.
So, like I said, an enemy turned into a loyal friend. How? I just had patience, I had self-control, I valued myself not to lower and fight back. I understood that maybe I made a mistake too. I should have been more careful and not say that word because words have meanings. And meanings have different valences. Some valences are good, some are bad. In general, life let’s other people understand the bad valences of a meaning of a word we speak. We may say the word having in mind the meaning with a good, positive valence, but would come out and be understood for the bad, negative valence. Therefore, always be careful what comes out of your own mouth. Like the law says: “Be careful what you say as it may be used against you.” From the beginning, I didn’t want to make an enemy. We should never want to make enemies. We should always try to clear things up and make amends. We should always try to make friends out of our enemies in the numbers we can do that.
Love yourself, respect yourself, respect others and others will love you back and respect you. Have patience, self-control, value yourself and have endurance, there will be for sure a moment in time when you will collect the rewards you deserve for any given situation.
“The mind once enlightened cannot again become dark.” – Thomas Paine, A Letter Addressed to the abbe Raynal on the Affairs of North America.
Once you love yourself through education and self-education, grow self-control, patience, self-esteem, character etc., your mind will be enlightened and will be extremely hard to be covered with darkness again. Why? Because the process you went through to achieve all that wasn’t short, easy and simple. You worked so hard and cultivated your growth that the moment you reached the loving yourself level, it will be damn hard to go back. You developed strength of character and belief in yourself, in your powers, in your abilities. That’s why it will be so hard to almost impossible for anyone and anything to take it from you easily and darken your mind back again. Love yourself my friend, keep the light bright in your mind and clean the darkness away. Love and light make you grow, make you successful, make you attractive. Loss of power and darkness make you weak, make you unsuccessful, make you unattractive. Choose the positive valence always my friend and everything you set to achieve in your life in anything is there for you to grab it.
Confucius said, “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”, and I completely agree with him. It does not matter how long it takes or how much you progress in loving yourself, educating yourself, gaining abilities etc., if you continue doing so. Each 1% you gain is gained and printed within you. It’s a 1% percent improved version of you and will have a considerable impact on your life and success. Increasing that percentage, it will increase the value of you, your life and your success. Keep that in mind. Also, you must accept the fact that we always have something to learn about ourselves, our lives, our business, our job etc. Hence, it’s an ongoing process. If we keep the process going, our success rates will always be high and reachable.
Another thing is that when you know yourself and keep the process of improving yourself ongoing, you know how to reinvent yourself, how to rebrand yourself in any aspect of your life to continue your success. If you don’t keep the process going, you will lose power over everything. Losing power, you will meet with failures, and once failures add up in your life, your life, unfortunately, will become a failure. And you don’t want that my friend. You are a strong person, a special person, a person of many abilities, and you are meant for greatness.
One of my favorite philosophers of all times, Aristotle, said that “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.” That’s the reason I am telling you with this book to love yourself. Love comes from the heart. You must educate the heart as well. That’s the successful way, that’s the key to a successful you in anything you set your mind to do with your life. If you don’t educate the heart to be in correlation with the mind, you will lose power.
That doesn’t imply you have to become cold-hearted because of what the mind dictates. Absolutely not. What you should do, is to listen to both heart and mind, analyze in depth and decide how is best to do and act when facing a situation and problem. When you don’t educate the heart and mind to both analyze and reach a decision, chances are to make a not so good decision for your life. Having an educated mind and heart, you develop wisdom and you can choose the right options for a successful you. This is how you leave no margin or lessen it for failures.
“Marriage can wait, education cannot.” This is an interesting affirmation made by Khaled Hosseini in “A Thousand Splendid Suns”. How many people do you hear or heard that they regret not having a proper education before marriage and having children? Many or the majority. Why do you think they state that? Because marriage is not dating, it is a list of responsibilities and compromises. Marriage to be a successful and long one depends on being educated. You will ask: “What kind of education is it needed when it is about two people being in love and wanting to spend their entire lives together as one?”
It is true, love is the first and main reason two people get married. (Note: In this book we will not speak about arranged and business marriage.) But, after the honeymoon, the couple goes back to reality. Reality is made of providing for the family, housekeeping, educating the children, going to work, paying the bills, buying a better house, a better family car, understanding the spouse and helping when he/she deals with interior or exterior problems and so on. When two people are dating, they do their best to pose in the most perfect appearance and cover their real emotional or existential problems. Their main priority and want is to spend quality time with their significant other and enjoy each moment, to be happy.
If you don’t educate yourself to have a better job or a business, to understand what life is about, you will not be able to deal with the harsh reality. Life is a tiger and you need to be a lion, king of the jungle to command inside your dominion. The tiger might send a claw to your back, but you can always duck and avoid or to fight back. It’s totally up to you. Education, having a better job, or starting your own business, all these help your life to be a more successful one. Yes, you might not be stress free or lack problems in your life, but the thing is that you are more prepared to battle and have more advantages and chances to win.
Cultivate your mind, cultivate your soul, find your higher self, build your future for yourself and for your family or future family.
Plato said: “Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each”. I agree with him on one hand but disagree with him on another hand. I agree that we should not be forced to choose our profession or life’s path as we all are unique. We have our own special talents and we should nurture those to become professionals to further earn our income. It’s true and valid. Still, a child does not know future hardships, responsibilities, how much necessities cost, rent, clothes, food, transport etc. He/she only knows that mom and dad are there for him/her and whatever he/she needs somehow, they provide for him. At that age, he/she only knows how to spend without having the knowledge from where and how the money he/she spends are made and earned. Moreover, children consider only having rights and no obligations. When they are asked to clean their room, make their bed, throw out the garbage, wash their dishes, they consider all these a burden, a punishment. They don’t understand that all these demands from their parents are ways to mold them into their future person, that of a responsible person. Therefore, yes, we should not force the children to be someone we want them to be, the way we know they can reach to a certain success, but we should explain the process and why all those demands are made. Parents ask their children to do things to prepare them step by step for their future, for their life. Parents ask them to learn, to finish school, high school, to go to university and so on because they know they will have a better future and less problematic than they had. Moreover, they want for their children to face less hardships than they did by having a better education. No life at any level is without complications, problems, hardships, but the key is to be easier to overcome them, to have a more stable life, to not have the fear of not having food for the next meal, not having shoes in your feet, not having clothes and so on. It is hard, extremely hard, as a parent to not have the possibility to provide for your child. For your child to ask to go to school and not have possibility to send him. Or, to see that his/her friends have a birthday party with guests and receive presents, even expensive presents and you don’t have even a small cake to celebrate his/her birthday, but to provide for all that. That’s why you need to love yourself through education. From loving yourself with education, you have the power to get a better more stable job with a higher pay. From loving yourself with a better job with a higher pay, you have the power to better provide for you and your family. Love yourself at all times in all areas and you will never lose power. Yes, there might be times when you temporarily lose power. But it’s only that, temporarily. Why temporarily? Because you have the education to find an optimum solution to solve the problem and overcome difficulties sooner or later. That’s the trick. No life is perfect, no life is only milk and honey. We all have problems sometimes, no matter our status. The key is to know how to overcome them and how to become more successful than ever before. Love yourself and power will never be lost over your life.
Children need to have a discussion, and open discussion with their parents in a relaxed manner. During this discussion, parents should explain how they see their future regarding education and professional path. Afterwards, they should ask their children what they think about it and how is their opinion over the idea. Conversation needs to be in a friendly calm mode so that no tension be built between the parties. Parents should listen to what their child has to say and child should listen to what his/her parents have to say. If the child doesn’t agree with his/her parents and doesn’t provide a solid education path for a future profession or another that would bring a good life for him/her, parents should calmly explain with arguments why their child’s plan or dream is not valid for his/her adult life. Explanations should be done in a way that the child would understand why he/she needs to do what his/her parents set for him/her along the way. Give the child real life examples like: “If I was a doctor I would have been able to buy you more expensive clothes”, “If I wasn’t an engineer and didn’t have a good salary I wouldn’t have been able to buy you X thing that you desired for your birthday”, etc. Try to show your child how his/her life would have been affected if you didn’t have the means to provide for him in certain areas that were important to him. Or, if you have financial problems and not a so good financial life, explain to him/her how things would have been if you were able to have the opportunity to study and educate yourself, and how powerful that is for one’s life.
Love your head, your mind and love your heart, your soul. Add education to it and you will become powerful over your life. Success will be granted along the way when the time is right and when you are destined to achieve it. But nothing comes for free. Everything requires arduous work, perseverance, sacrifices in one way or another. Sacrifices, well, know this, sacrifices will for sure transform themselves later into rewards, yes, sweet rewards. Rewards will be big or small, nonetheless, they will be sweet. Sacrifices are seeds of future power for you. Sacrifices taste bitter when you make them, but rewards will taste like heavenly honey when they will make their appearance in your life. I am sure you understand what I am talking about, or if not yet, trust me and remember my words as you will understand and will agree with me.
“Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is.” – Isaac Asimov.
Well, it’s not the only education there is. You first need to have the proper education as a foundation. The education that comes from school, high school and higher forms of education as each one of us can and afford attending is the proper education foundation. Self-education is the complementary education that is ongoing through the rest of our lives. There will always be something new to learn as life and technology are constantly changing and improving. Still, Isaac Asimov with that statement sends a very powerful message. “Self-education is […] the only kind of education there is.” Why? Because self-education after proper education foundation is your tool for further power. I for on thing have been always keen on learning new things in new domains that had no relation with my profession or domain of learning. I remember one time when website started to be a trend in my country, I asked for a professional to make one for me too. The professional made a presentation and an offer and requested for an advance payment which was the norm back then. I agreed and waited to see first glances over the website. I was so excited. Delays were first problems. I remember I was very stressed about it. When I was first able to see first draft of the website after many emails between the parties on how I wanted the website to be and look as a company website, it was a total mess and had no resemblance, not even a bit on how I wanted it. I explained one more time face to face, how I want the site to look and be and he started asking for more money if I wanted those requirements on the website, though I made no modifications or additional request to what we previously agreed. I dismissed him on the project and told him I no longer need his services. I was so frustrated! Of course, I had no IT knowledge, no coding and stuff. But, that frustration to depend on someone to do something for me, pay the guy money and have that as a result was painful. I said that it’s ok. I, yes, I will do it! My friends laughed at me. They said that I have no knowledge on how to make a website and their opinion was to give the guy the money to do it even though the costs will be higher or hire someone else to do it. They belittled my will power. Once I set my mind into something, I do it! So, I received the laughs, didn’t give them a final answer on how I am going to proceed with this. I started searching online how you register a website, found out you need hosting too (that was Mars for me as I only knew you need a www.something.com and that was about it, well, novice me LOL) and gathered all info about it. (Obviously the guy “punished” me because I canceled the agreement with him and didn’t give me the username and password for the already paid website). First trembling step for me was to make the registration and hosting. It was my first time. When I received confirmation email that it was active and I can work on it I felt like throwing a party. Yes, for that little thing I felt like that, stupid no? But, it wasn’t stupid, it was my little accomplishment in the process of building my own website. Next step was to actually create the website. Well, here was the tragedy… I entered in Cpanel and saw so many icons and functions. At that moment, learning Chinese was more appealing to me than understanding all that. My head just blocked. The question “What am I supposed to do now?” was constantly bugging me. I remember I was red in my cheeks of frustration, a headache blossomed, had teary eyes and felt the need to break something… In my mind, my friends’ suggestion sounded awesome at that point. That small battle was lost at that moment as I closed the Cpanel and went do something else for my work. I took a break from that as I was completely hopeless on what to do next, what to open from those icons and where to start building my website. I let it pass a few days, cleared my mind from that. One night, at about 3 am, I opened Cpanel again and looked over the icons. I took the titles from the icons and searched online for their meaning. By doing so, I reached the icon RVSBuilder. That was jackpot! That was the application inside Cpanel that at that time allowed me to work on the website without coding and stuff for IT smart people. WordPress was not valid at that time. I worked that night until noon the next day on the site having search engines on to search for info for whatever was unknown to me or I was unsure what to do. When I pressed publish and my website was online I felt like I created the universe, like I was God! It was such a big accomplishment for someone like me who didn’t have prior education or experience to do such a thing. I felt powerful! Of course, it wasn’t a 3D or those flash animation view or things like that. Nothing fancy. But, what I requested to that guy before and didn’t do it as he wanted more money, I did it. ME! It was SO rewarding! I sent emails with the link to the website to all of my friends and people that needed to be informed regarding the existence of the website. Obviously, I didn’t state who made the website.
After an hour or so, one of the friends that laughed at my idea of challenging myself and make the website by myself, gave me a call saying that the website is awesome and to recommend him the person who made it as he wants one of his own. He loved the concept and overall website. He praised the website for about ten minutes long. Ha-Ha! When I told him I did it, I created it, he didn’t believe me at first as he knew I had nothing to do with this field. I explained him the big picture of what I went through and how I managed to pull that off and he just paused. He said: “I am amazed! I wouldn’t have had that kind of patience to learn all that. You talk like a pro when telling me the specifics! Bravo! Wanna make my website too? Ha-Ha!”
I told him that I would do it if he gave me 1500 bucks for it as I worked so hard to learn all that. I was joking of course about the money. Still, he did give me the money when his site was published and online even though while I did it I specifically told him it was free of charge as we were long time friends and it was ok. He said that for the two weeks that I worked so hard on it, meetings with him, modifications and additions and further learning to fit his website requirements, he wanted to pay me the amount jokingly asked by me at first. He said it was fair and he was really satisfied with the website and with my work on it. And, he apologized for laughing at me that time when I said I will do my own website from scratch.
Hence, with my personal example given above, self-education is rewarding and sometimes gives you even extra money too.
As long as you love yourself, believe in yourself, trust yourself, you will never lose power and rewards of any kind will be sprinkled on your path. Have ambition, work for what you want, dream, hope for. Nothing falls from the sky, all is made by us. Dreams do come true if we act upon and materialize them.
Self-education is empowering on so many levels. Create interests in as many fields you want. Read, update yourself. You never know when that random piece of information will become of use to you in the future and how important will be to solve something.
“Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.” – Jim Rohm
As I said before, formal education is the foundation of your life, it’s the start that allows you to create opportunities for yourself in the future. Self-education is the education that you do it all your life. Self-education helps you build your character further on, gives you more abilities, gives you more power, gives you even greater opportunities in life. Like I did with the website. I self-educated myself on how to do my own website and later that knowledge provided me with the opportunity to make one for my friend and unexpectedly to earn more money. How great is that? Isn’t it rewarding? It is. And that self-education I did brought me 1500 dollars, not 1.5 dollars or 15 dollars. So, win-win situation. I loved myself with education, I created opportunities. I accomplished three things for me: learning how to make a website from scratch, making my own website and earning extra money from my friend by doing one for him too.
As a conclusion for this chapter, I want to say that I started with education for the book’s theme “Love Yourself Or Lose Power” because it is the most important step. Education is the key for a good life. It might not be the best life, but it’s a good life. Love yourself with education, having education gives you the opportunity in life to make a next step, the one from a good life to a great life. It all depends on you. If you take advantage of having a formal education and make a combo with self-education who knows what amazing doors open just for you to show your greatness and be the next Forbes Millionaire. They all, well, most of them, started from nothing and paved their way up to what they are today. Love yourself or lose power.
This was a long chapter and thank you for having patience to read it! Hope it's of help for you and will give you another perspective on life! Second chapter will follow when it's done. 🙂 Comments, likes etc are awaited. I am writing my posts on the go, so there might be mistakes in grammar, misspelling etc. If you find such mistakes, please do point them out. Much appreciated! Thank you my dear one!
Hugs and kisses,
Your true friend always,