Hello my dear ones! This is a motivational, self-improvement book. Here is the first draft for chapter 1 of my ongoing book. I would highly appreciate feedback over it! There will be some (or more LOL) mistakes in grammar or spelling etc.
Ok! Here it goes!
LOVE YOURSELF OR LOSE POWER
COPYRIGHT FEBRUARY 2018, AUTHOR ANDA STAN
Copyright © February 2018. All Rights Reserved
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author.
Hello my dear ones!
In the Introduction part I want to greet you and tell you that it is true. If you don’t love yourself, you will lose power. In this book I am not discussing about being a selfish person or a narcissist. No. I am telling you to value yourself and accomplish confidence over you and over your life in all departments. To be successful and make a foundation for your bright future. It all stands in your powers and actions! Your mind, body and soul need to become one to be the winner of your life and be valued and cheered upon by the world!
By not loving yourself, you have all the chances to fail in many important things for your life. Which things? Well, in education, business, job, love, family, friendship, health and even fail in what good stuff the universe has in store for you. As you can see my dear one, you can miss on a lot of things if you don’t love yourself. And all these that I have just mentioned, are the essence of your successful life and of your greatness.
Throughout the book, I will have myself as a study case to prove to you what really means to love yourself or lose power. I have to say that, even if you sometimes lose power, the amazing fact is when you rise back up and become more successful and more powerful than you were before. Trust me, I know it from personal experience. You can be, and you are a Phoenix! You just need to rise from your own ashes and shine like a diamond!
Having this said, let’s start changing ourselves for the better!
Yours sincerely and with all my love for you my dear friend,
CHAPTER 1 – EDUCATION AND SELF-EDUCATION
You might wonder why I have started with education and what relevance has with loving yourself.
If you love yourself, you value yourself. If you value yourself, you will nurture your mind and will start working on your diamond. Which and who is the “diamond”? That’s you my friend! You are a diamond and you need to start polishing the diamond and give value to it!
No matter what you see on TV or on social media or wherever, that education is not important anymore and you can make quick money and fortunes by degrading yourself is not true. Yes, they make money. I admit. But, for how long? How many celebrities have you seen that went from riches to rags? They played a one card only. What if those celebrities would have also invested in their further education? Do you think they would have had a different ending? I believe they would have had. What was the reason behind their fall? I will tell you: lack of control, lack of respect towards themselves and I can continue, but I think you understand what I am trying to say. Therefore, they didn’t love themselves, they loved only money. They didn’t build a positive relationship between loving themselves and loving money in the right way. Hence, the lack of control conducted, in the end, to failure.
How successful people remain successful? It’s an easy answer for me. They love themselves. They grow their education as a person, as a business, as a brand. They understand that to continue to be successful they need to constantly upgrade themselves too. They valued themselves, and prosperity and abundance valued them in return.
Let’s take Bill Gates for example. Do you see his confidence? His self-control? His education? All these and more made him what he is today. A successful story. He had an idea, he went for it. He loved himself, he loved his idea, he believed in himself, he believed in his idea, he acted and didn’t stop until he nailed it. The rest is history.
“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world” said Nelson Mandela. If you want to be a leader and a successful person in life, you need to have education and be wise. Some of you will say that they cannot afford going to school like university. And is totally understandable. Unfortunately, in everything we do we are bound to money. But, that doesn’t need to stop you from educating yourself. Take up on a course, buy books on different subjects that you consider are good for you and for your dreams and plans. After all, in university we read, learn and take exams. So, read books my dear friends. The more the better. Expand your knowledge. You are interested in Marketing? Buy the best Marketing books you can afford. And so on. Read them, understand them and keep in mind the basics at least from each book you read. Try to identify the real message that book is meant to deliver to its reader and assimilate it. Learn strategies, definitions, theories etc. Love yourself through reading, through education, for a better future ahead.
I read a lot at my life and had good academic education. But, at some point, because as you know, it’s not a painless process, I said to my mother: “What is all this good for? Look, my friend X didn’t study like I did and has money and all and having fun! I want to enjoy life too like her!”. My mother answered: “You have all your life ahead to enjoy, now it’s time to grow yourself. Your friend is enjoying life now, but she is missing on her future. If you are not calculated and you don’t have control, your happy life can go in a second down the drain. If you don’t have education, when you have problems, you won’t find the way to overcome them. She only knows money, money is her salvation now in any problematic situation she could have. But, if she doesn’t have money anymore, what will her solution be to overcome that problem without money and to make money again? She only knows how to spend them, she doesn’t know, nor she is educated how to make and save money. Or, how to invest and make profit. For making money, saving money and investing money you need to be educated and have wisdom. That’s the long-term success in one’s life. What you are doing now through learning and educating yourself, you are building your life, your future, your greatness. At some point, you will understand, and you will say that you have no regrets that you only studied and had patience for the life’s pleasures and fun. At that moment, you will start accepting the great person you are and what you can do for the world. You just have to believe in yourself and grow.”
Of course, I was not happy at that moment with the answer. We all want everything now, not later. But, she was right. Educating yourself, as Nelson Mandela said, gives you powers, weapons in the battle with life. In my opinion, life is like a mind game. If we lose our mind, life hits us and wins. If we don’t lose our mind and control it, life takes the hit and we score to the next level in our life. You are educated, you can serve back to life problems; you are not educated, you just stay there frozen and take the hits without knowing how to strike back.
Therefore, love yourself through education. It’s not an option, it’s a must for a better you and a better future.
“Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.” – Robert Frost
When you have education, you gain control over your mind, over your actions and over your reactions. You also have the power to have patience. It’s not an easy thing to have patience. Uneducated people, in almost every situation, they lose their temper and react violently. They either use violent language, or worse, apply physical violence.
We all hear about diplomacy and to act in a diplomatic manner. Politicians are diplomats. They do have in general higher education. But, for the rest of us, we can also be diplomats. The key is in our actions, our behavior and in what we choose to do. We want to solve things in a diplomatic manner or we just want to have a “monkey reaction” and lose control?
If we apply to solve the problems in a diplomatic manner, we have a high rate of success. If we apply to solve the problem in a “boxing” manner, chances are that we will fail.
If we are educated people and listen, we will better understand and analyze the situation. During the listening process, our mind has access to more information. Our interlocutor will provide us, maybe unknowingly, with solutions to the problem. By listening, we show self-control and self-confidence. By listening first, we gain control over the problem. Understand the fact that in an argument that’s the main point our opponent targets: to provoke us. When we lose our temper and respond to that calling, we only give them the upper-hand and half the battle is lost for us. Never do that. Just stay calm, listen, analyze and react in a diplomatic manner. This is the way you will fight back and disarm your opponent. Love yourself and value yourself. Only you as an educated person that can have self-control and self-confidence can do that and win the battle in that given situation.
Remember: People who have self-control, self-confidence and education (academic or self-education) are wise people. They are people who know tactics on how to win over a problem and have room for a future “Hello!” between both parties. If you love yourself, have confidence in yourself and educate yourself, you will eventually be able to turn your worst enemies into your best and loyal friends. And I am not only casually saying that, it’s true.
Let me give you a personal example regarding this.
When I was younger, I was talking to a friend about some people that were doing some wrong things and I said that they will have serious problems if they continue. I knew those people indirectly. Never personally been introduced, but we would often see each other. In the further discussion with this friend about them, at some point, I mentioned that that was kind of an immoral behavior and in the case, they will be found out, they will face negative consequences. Unfortunately, at the “immoral” part, one of those people overheard me. I didn’t know we weren’t alone, otherwise I wouldn’t have said that. In fact, I wasn’t judging them, I was only concerned about what would happen to them. They were in general good people but had a difficult background. The person who heard me saying “immoral” about them approached me and started acting like a bully. Obviously, he was offended by my word. I tried calmly to explain to this guy what I really meant with that, but it was of no use. He swore to my face that from that point on, he will make my life a living hell. And he kept his promise.
Every time he saw me, he would badmouth me loudly for me to hear, he would pick on me and so on. His attempt in all this was to lower my self-esteem and provoke me. To make me respond and have reasons to have a direct fight with me. My reaction to his actions was always the same: I never responded. I would sometimes have eye contact with him and let him know I heard what he was saying but didn’t throw him bad or provocative looks. I just acknowledged what he said. Most of the times, I acted like I didn’t hear anything coming from him, like he didn’t exist, like I didn’t hear, and talked to another friend or just walked away. This “revenge” of his lasted for about eight months. Long time, right? It was indeed.
One day, while I was passing by to see a good friend of mine, he was speaking to my “enemy”. I said a politely “Hello!”. My friend greeted me back and amazingly him too. My friend informed me of the discussion they had before I reached. It was about some legal problems and the “enemy” was interested on the legal procedures that apply to have a chance of success as he was not guilty in that case. After that, my “enemy” asked me what he could do in such a situation to defend himself. Without delays I presented him with all that he needed to know and do. I acted like nothing happened between us previously. As a reaction, he thanked me. Moreover, he apologized for the behavior he had towards me and emphasized the fact that he gained tremendous respect for me all this time.
I asked him why. He paused a little, looked at me in the eyes and said: “You are a mannered person and know self-control. You are a strong person with high confidence. You never got intimidated by me nor lost temper. I was continuously provoking you trying to make you angry and engage in a fight with me. But, you never did. Most people get scared or get angry. You are among those 1% that are amazing people. Fearless, but in a clever way. You know how to act, and you know how to gain respect. On top of that, today you could have just pretended again not to see me, laughed at me as I am in an unpleasant situation, or be aggressive towards me having now the upper-hand of “See, I told you, I was right about you back then” kind of thing. Instead, you talked to me like I was your friend and more than that, helped me with all you could. You are a person of great character. Starting today we are friends, and anything you will need that stands in my powers to give and help you, I will do it for you. I am a loyal friend and that’s a promise. I never break a promise I make.”
Hearing all this, I thanked him for his words and for his compliments and told him that back then I tried to explain to him, but he wouldn’t listen. I wasn’t laughing or judging but concerned of the consequences because I knew he and the others were good people.
He answered that he after a few months understood and realized that since the incident but then he wanted to tease me and test me for my endurance and see my reactions.
Anyhow, I must tell you my dear friend that this guy was true to his promise and he is always at a phone call distance to help me and always answers my calls if I ever make a call.
So, like I said, an enemy turned into a loyal friend. How? I just had patience, I had self-control, I valued myself not to lower and fight back. I understood that maybe I made a mistake too. I should have been more careful and not say that word because words have meanings. And meanings have different valences. Some valences are good, some are bad. In general, life let’s other people understand the bad valences of a meaning of a word we speak. We may say the word having in mind the meaning with a good, positive valence, but would come out and be understood for the bad, negative valence. Therefore, always be careful what comes out of your own mouth. Like the law says: “Be careful what you say as it may be used against you.” From the beginning, I didn’t want to make an enemy. We should never want to make enemies. We should always try to clear things up and make amends. We should always try to make friends out of our enemies in the numbers we can do that.
Love yourself, respect yourself, respect others and others will love you back and respect you. Have patience, self-control, value yourself and have endurance, there will be for sure a moment in time when you will collect the rewards you deserve for any given situation.
“The mind once enlightened cannot again become dark.” – Thomas Paine, A Letter Addressed to the abbe Raynal on the Affairs of North America.
Once you love yourself through education and self-education, grow self-control, patience, self-esteem, character etc., your mind will be enlightened and will be extremely hard to be covered with darkness again. Why? Because the process you went through to achieve all that wasn’t short, easy and simple. You worked so hard and cultivated your growth that the moment you reached the loving yourself level, it will be damn hard to go back. You developed strength of character and belief in yourself, in your powers, in your abilities. That’s why it will be so hard to almost impossible for anyone and anything to take it from you easily and darken your mind back again. Love yourself my friend, keep the light bright in your mind and clean the darkness away. Love and light make you grow, make you successful, make you attractive. Loss of power and darkness make you weak, make you unsuccessful, make you unattractive. Choose the positive valence always my friend and everything you set to achieve in your life in anything is there for you to grab it.
Confucius said, “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”, and I completely agree with him. It does not matter how long it takes or how much you progress in loving yourself, educating yourself, gaining abilities etc., if you continue doing so. Each 1% you gain is gained and printed within you. It’s a 1% percent improved version of you and will have a considerable impact on your life and success. Increasing that percentage, it will increase the value of you, your life and your success. Keep that in mind. Also, you must accept the fact that we always have something to learn about ourselves, our lives, our business, our job etc. Hence, it’s an ongoing process. If we keep the process going, our success rates will always be high and reachable.
Another thing is that when you know yourself and keep the process of improving yourself ongoing, you know how to reinvent yourself, how to rebrand yourself in any aspect of your life to continue your success. If you don’t keep the process going, you will lose power over everything. Losing power, you will meet with failures, and once failures add up in your life, your life, unfortunately, will become a failure. And you don’t want that my friend. You are a strong person, a special person, a person of many abilities, and you are meant for greatness.
One of my favorite philosophers of all times, Aristotle, said that “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.” That’s the reason I am telling you with this book to love yourself. Love comes from the heart. You must educate the heart as well. That’s the successful way, that’s the key to a successful you in anything you set your mind to do with your life. If you don’t educate the heart to be in correlation with the mind, you will lose power.
That doesn’t imply you have to become cold-hearted because of what the mind dictates. Absolutely not. What you should do, is to listen to both heart and mind, analyze in depth and decide how is best to do and act when facing a situation and problem. When you don’t educate the heart and mind to both analyze and reach a decision, chances are to make a not so good decision for your life. Having an educated mind and heart, you develop wisdom and you can choose the right options for a successful you. This is how you leave no margin or lessen it for failures.
“Marriage can wait, education cannot.” This is an interesting affirmation made by Khaled Hosseini in “A Thousand Splendid Suns”. How many people do you hear or heard that they regret not having a proper education before marriage and having children? Many or the majority. Why do you think they state that? Because marriage is not dating, it is a list of responsibilities and compromises. Marriage to be a successful and long one depends on being educated. You will ask: “What kind of education is it needed when it is about two people being in love and wanting to spend their entire lives together as one?”
It is true, love is the first and main reason two people get married. (Note: In this book we will not speak about arranged and business marriage.) But, after the honeymoon, the couple goes back to reality. Reality is made of providing for the family, housekeeping, educating the children, going to work, paying the bills, buying a better house, a better family car, understanding the spouse and helping when he/she deals with interior or exterior problems and so on. When two people are dating, they do their best to pose in the most perfect appearance and cover their real emotional or existential problems. Their main priority and want is to spend quality time with their significant other and enjoy each moment, to be happy. [TO BE CONTINUED...]
Well, this is it. Awaiting comments 🙂
Blessings my friends and wish you all the best!
Anda Stan 🙂